Published: December 15, 2011


Renewed rebirth talks are springing up all over HornetLand. I have theories on why that is, but I’ve stuffed some soppresata in my mouth in an effort to keep this on topic.

The topic, of course: A Traditional Louisiana Turducken.

For those who don’t know, a turducken is a dish, not an animal. The basic idea is you jam a Cornish hen into a duck, then slide that appetizing assembly into a turkey. You also put stuffing in, often times a kicked up version or two . . . so sausage stuffing. Don’t forget the seasoning!

A dish with an ancient history, regal air, and divine culinary value, it has been improved upon here in Louisiana. Picture a quail in the hen . . . now a turducken in a pig. Don’t believe me? Look it up.

What we do to the turducken is what we do. We constantly diddle. We slam things together. We cut them open to make them batter. We always add spice. We sew it up and you see the twine. Doesn’t matter. It’s better, a blemish here and there aside.

And we are proud of it.

Damned proud.

I want to scream and cry about how damned proud I am of it.

The turducken itself is exactly this, as well. It’s a perfect postmodern proxy for how it is we existentially roll.

As such, let us kneel before the mighty turducken and ask for wisdom. And a whiff. Oooohhh oui!

As incredible it may have seemed when we last ate (fresh) turducken, it seemed we were going to miss the entire NBA season. The very next day, however, the dominoes started falling. The largest CBA obstacles were cleared, we got met our season ticket goal as a united business and fan community, and we’ve now moved from under the shadow of losing the best player to have played . . . perhaps ever to play, future included . . . for the Hornets. We may be ignored, we may be mentioned as a `lottery team’, but the fear has been replaced by facts. Facts are often far less sensational.

Such is the cosmic power of a really good turducken. It did it’s part . . . what are we going to do?

So what are we going to do to stuff this turkey of a franchise? What with? We get to pick. Will it be duck and seasoning and sausage stuffing and chicken and more? Or will it be poorly made, over-dry Stove Top? It’s up to us. We can’t control the turkey, but we can overpower it. We can become cook it up to point where the turkey’s not necessarily the main dish.

Ducken, baby. Yeah.

This year is going to be a year of change. Next year, all the pieces of this franchise should be in place: Owners, long-term-benchmark-free lease, naming rights, season ticket base, improved tv deal.

As such, we have a shorten season to walk and talk like ducks, people. We have 34 home games (don’t forget preseason), to make any difference we can make with the bird.

So what are we going to do? What are we going to do with this unprecedented opportunity.

Good question.

I have no idea.

Well, that’s not exactly true. I don’t know what exactly you need to do, but I do have good idea of what we need to do.

Let it all out and don’t stop lettin’. Get serious about fun like we do. Sing, scream, chant, dress up, etc. Or, sit, watch, leave. Do it your way. Be a character. Be somebody. Be a part of it, not a guest or a spectator. don’t just make yourself at home, make a home. Make a life. Create.

Think Bee-Zanies. Or think me (I’m pretty quiet except for the occasional outburst). Or think neither. Just think . . . think about your life at that game.

As long we are being ourselves, just more `outloud’, great stuff will happen. It will.

Stuff that bird with everything you got, because there are only so many games before they sew it up. After that, it’ll be harder to be a part of `this’.

How proud will you be when to know that you are that little bit of celery who brings the sign with the moving whatchacallit? Who’s the paprika that starts chants of our players names? Who’s the bit of black pepper that yells “stupid” when the bad guys are stupid? (that’s me, by the way . . . no stealsies!)

Stuff the bird(s).

Talk it up in the comments. Let’s start this at the open practice. Gear up! Head over and ready to support our new guys, our GM, our coaches, and everyone else that pedals to keep the lights on for this franchise.

Get organized and let the good stuff happen.

Let it.

It’s ok.

Let it.

May the turducken be with us. Always.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.