Below is a sampling of [fanciful, wholly made-up, but still somehow completely accurate] tweets logged by various people on and around the team during this upcoming off-season.
@CP3’s_Tibia: Where’d that comfy cushion on top of me go? I’m naked!
@CP3’s_Femur: Pleased to meet you, @CP3’s_Tibia. I have a feeling we’ll be growing closer together over the years. Should be an impactful relationship. Hopefully we won’t get inflamed too often.
@NBAPlayoffs: We missed you guys! Don’t stay away too long.
@NBALottery: Hey, Hornets! Long time, no see. Good to have you back!
@NawlinsFrontO: A new summer, a new offseason! It’s fun already being over the tax. Challenge is the spice of life!
@AaronGray: Thanks for giving me a shot, guys. It sucks being born in the wrong era. I would have OWNED George Mikan. Oh well. GL next year.
@Poseynator: Appointment tomorrow for new tattoo. Gonna get “Cap Killah” across my stomach, Tupac-stylez. Keeping it REAL.
@TheRealPeja: Hey @Poseynator, I got one of those last summer! Remember having hard time deciding whether to put it on [oft-injured body part] or [other oft-injured body part].
@TheRealCP3: @NawlinsFrontO Don’t set ur sights too high. Fans (and me) tired of disappointment. </sarcasm>
@DavidWest30: @NawlinsFrontO Get us some DEFENSE! Our loss total past 3 years directly proportional to our Defensive Rating. We got the O; need some D.
@D_Songaila: Sorry about this, guys, but I have to exercise my player option. No way I get $4.8M on the open market. Sorry.
@HassanWhiteside: Hey Hornets, you might not know me yet, but I’m who you want to draft this summer. I offer defensive presence and front-court depth, and I can knock down a jumper. FYI.
@JamesAndersonOSU: If Hassan is gone and/or you want bench offense instead, I might be available. I won’t wow at the combine, but I’ve produced. Think CDR. Anyway, CU later.
@TheRealMoPete: Hey y’all, I’m changing my account name. Now @MoPete’sExpiringContract. Have a good summer!
@TheRealCP3: Goal for next year: a PER higher than @DavidWest30’s jersey number (and age). Pretty sure I can do it, barring injury.
@MarcusT_No.5: Hey @DCollison, I thought of a great Halloween costume for us for next year: Reasons for Hope. CU in the gym.