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Trew 2 the Game #33: Photoshops and More – Defending The Smoothie King Center
Trew 2 the Game is a weekly humor column by comedian Chris Trew. This column runs on Tuesdays and whenever something special happens. Follow Trew 2 the Game on Twitter here.
Look out internet, it’s an emergency Trew 2 the Game post! This means that either a Pelican has done something bizarre or brilliant or that I need to defend something that has happened within the organization that is not directly related to on-the-court matters. In the case of special edition #33, it’s both!
Before we go any further, get yourself caught up with the details of this transaction.
The Smoothie King Center. It really rolls off the tongue, much like twenty ounces of Angel Food rolls off the tongue and into your gut, providing your body with many vitamins and nutrients. It’s not in your face Louisiana but anyone who is interested in doing even the slightest research will discover the local ties. Unfortunately, we are going to have to be well equipped to defend the SKC. Let’s roll up our sleeves, Pelicans Nation. If people thought the name Pelicans didn’t fit, they are going to lose their lunch at The Smoothie King Center.
“Smoothie King Center doesn’t sound good!”
Just like the argument “Pelicans aren’t fierce”, this argument is weak. It’s better than most of the Arenas if you say the entire name every single time you’re referencing the building. Time Warner Cable Arena does not roll off of any tongue, not even to Tom Warner, the man who owns Time Warner (Please don’t look that up). Most Arenas are named after companies the average person doesn’t have a personal connection with and with the exception of Oracle and Barclays, none really sound that cool.
That said, no name is immune to abbreviations. What will we shorten Smoothie King Center to? We could call it The King for short and then maybe we can lure LeBron James over? Then the team’s marketing department can write See The King at the King everywhere then take the rest of the season off.
Other possibilities for abbreviations include The Blender (the most popular choice via Twitter), The Smooth Center, The Smooth (think the “Q” in Cleveland), SKC
“First the Pelicans, now the Smoothie King Center? Who is gonna take this franchise seriously?”
Probably everyone who doesn’t think that the name of a thing is indicative of everything else related to it. While we’re here, we like that you don’t get it. You also think Mardi Gras is about plastic beads. You also head straight to Bourbon Street from your hotel when you visit. New Orleans goes deeper than that.
We couldn’t have a bank or an airline name our Arena like all of y’all. It has to be something a little off. Capital One Arena doesn’t have the right ring to it. Southwest Arena wouldn’t fly in New Orleans. The Louisiana Seafood Arena Seasoned by Zatarains was super off and while a part of me is disappointed it never saw the light of day, a bigger part of me is happier with Smoothie King. A big reason for this is you’ll be able to drink Smoothie King in the Arena and the Superdome. Ahem, The Mercedes-Benz Superdome. You can get a Smoothie King at Louis Armstrong Airport, too. And the mall and on St. Charles Avenue and in the French Quarter and uptown. They are everywhere.
Bonus features of The Smoothie King Center
- Kyle Turley and Jimmy Graham each got cardboard cutouts that lived in every Smoothie King in the 504. Hopefully we can get some Crescent City Basketball cutouts. I predict Tyreke Evans drinking a celestial cherry high or Austin Rivers munching on Zucchini Bread.
- With a (relatively) healthy business owning the naming rights, maybe the Free Fries promotion will go away forever. Am I the only person who gets grumpy at the Free Fries nonsense? It’s hard to get me grumpy, I’m the guy who likes everything. But watching people with more than $2 in their pocket cheer wildly for french fries (value $2) that they most likely won’t eat is the worst part of being in the
- Our Arena is no longer an Arena. It’s a Center. Centers are better than Arenas. This is a fact.
- When the Pelicans win the NBA Finals in 2016, Anthony Davis and Kevin Love can dump a bucket of Lean One on Monty Williams. Coach can celebrate and contain his cravings for a huge meal.
- If we hold our opponents to under 100 points, we Make it Skinny (when placing your order if you say “make it skinny” they put less Turbinado in your drink, cutting out 100 calories). When the Pelicans successfully Make it Skinny, you get a free protein boost on your next order at participating locations.
- Every single press conference could take place behind the Muscle Punch Mic, a specially designed Smoothie Microphone that also fills the speaker with strawberry and banana.
- It’s not difficult to make alterations to existing smoothie recipes so specialty versions of classic menu items are totally on the table here. For example, The Muscle Punch (the most popular menu item) becomes Brow Punch. The thought of drinking Anthony Davis’ facial hair through a straw isn’t really appetizing, but the thought of doing what The Franchise does is. Got a smoothie remix you want to share? Take it to the comments, bra.
Chris Trew is a comedian and sports columnist living and performing in New Orleans. He runs Hell Yes Fest, the annual New Orleans comedy festival and writes a weekly column for Bourbon Street Shots. His New Orleans sports podcast also runs every Tuesday on It’s New Orleans.
Stupendously awesome!!!! The Pelican Power Smoothie will taste like crap, since strawberry, banana, and mango will be injured and we will have to use oatmeal, brussels sprouts, and mystery meat.....
How Anthony Davis is gonna promote "muscle punch" and he don't have any muscles?
That's bad for business.. oh yeah..brow punch...my bad..
@NOEngineer Cannot click "like" enough. I think it's broken.