NBA schedule heads, I humble stand before you with a mere handful of requests intended to maximize entertainment for the most intriguing team in your league. New Orleans is not like most places and with all due respect to spots like Milwaukee and Minnesota and their plethora of things to do year-round, they have no Mardi Gras to contend with.

The Spurs have a rodeo but they don’t have an NFL team (thank god). New York is New York, sure, but it’s not New Orleans, as anyone who is from New Orleans but lives in New York know would happily explain to you over drinks, inside a bar (because you cannot drink outside in New York).

It is with all of this in mind that we wonder if we could request a few special arrangements for the 2019-2020 season. The smallest market of any NBA franchise doesn’t ask for much – usually. But we’re free from AD and armed with Zion. We believe in ourselves and are feeling quite bold.

Yes, we’re grateful for the Christmas day game against the Nuggets, thank you – though we expect a home game in 2020 sometime after we’ve all crushed our eggnog daiquiris. And we’re extremely grateful that the first time we see the Brow back in New Orleans won’t be sandwiched between Mardi Gras parades. We’ll want all of our energy for that one and to be honest, Mardi Gras would have made it difficult to fully welcome Anthony back.

That said, a few more requests –

#3. Memphis @ New Orleans on MLK day

This pair of squads on the Mississippi have a lot of reasons to be lumped together on the NBA map. Let’s make it official with a college football rivalry weekend-style MLK daytime matchup. The home team can alternate from year to year, and someone with a keen sense of travel packages can put together buses that cart rabid fans back and forth between these two southern hubs of music, culture, and basketball future.

#2. Commit to The Mardi Gras Road Trip

Mardi Gras season stretches its revelrous arms across a lot of calendar real estate, true. Also true, most people don’t go to home games during Mardi Gras season. In the past you’ve stuck fair weather fan magnet teams like the Lakers on nights with iconic parades like Muses with blah results. Sometimes it feels like you just throw your hands in the air and send us the Pacers.

What if you just committed to the Mardi Gras road trip and kept the Pelicans out of New Orleans? I’d rather see the Pels play on the road in their special City Jerseys for a week straight and then have a few nights off during Carnival where they can take in the festivities. This is good for the future of the NBA in New Orleans and I’m not just saying this because I want Zion to wear women’s underwear on his head during Zulu.

#1. Knicks @ New Orleans on Opening Night

It’s less about wanting to rub Zion in the New York’s face and more about rubbing Zion in the national media’s collective face. Give us the biggest team in the biggest city against lil’ ole’ New Orleans on opening night. Give us Zion mauling Knox for a Summer League callback. Give us a welcoming party for the future of the NBA (in both senses).

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Chris Trew is a comedian, writer, and actor based in New Orleans who’s been a season ticket holder since forever. His work has been seen in GQ, MTV, Comedy Central, and featured on NBA.com. To read Chris Trew‘s book about sitting behind the visitor’s bench at Pelicans games, click the link.