Mascot Wars: New Orleans vs. Golden State

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Published: April 18, 2015

You’ve read a lot about the matchup between the young pup Golden State Warriors and the younger pup New Orleans Pelicans and you’re going to read a lot more. While you’re soaking up the analytics, the advanced metrics, the head-to-head history of these squads, consider taking a dip in what many (read: just me) believe to be the real key to this first round matchup – the tale of the tape behind the tape. I’m not talking about some base level city of Oakland versus city of New Orleans (no contest). I’m talking about Mascot Wars.

warriosmascot

This is “Thunder”. He’s a basketball man with muscles and a generic tangerine tank top. He’s wearing a flat duck on his head that he dipped in mustard. His eyes are made of old Oakley sunglasses. Worst of all, he has no mouth. Thunder does not exist because in 2008 the Seattle Supersonics did a thing and became a team actually named the Thunder so the Warriors were like “erm uh-oh” and decided to just scrap the whole mascot thing.

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This is (was) Pierre. He is weird and has too much makeup on his face and he got bullied a lot by a lot of internet bullies. He lived a hard life for a while but then he got surgery after shooting some b-ball with some no-good fellow mascots. His surgery went down right around the All-Star break in New Orleans and now Pierre has a different mouth to pair with his different outlook on life.

 

Question_mark

This question mark is not actually the current mascot of the Golden State Warriors but it might as well be. Because the Golden State Warriors do not currently employ a mascot. I can only imagine this is either because the franchise hates fun or the Golden State Warriors have no idea how to adapt to unexpected occurrences. When the Sonics became the Thunder, Golden State’s Thunder became a victim. A cruel victim of a franchise that doesn’t want to roll with the punches. A sad loss for all Golden State basketball fans. How could a franchise that axes their mascot be trusted in the postseason?

 

pierre2

Here’s our guy, Pierre. Post surgery, Pierre had a little more bounce in his step, a little more confidence in his walk, a little more spring in his swag. He didn’t walk away after the incident on the court. He didn’t go under the knife and then out of our lives. The New Orleans Pelicans powers-that-be didn’t remove our mascot from Crescent City Basketball culture just because life got difficult. No. They got our guy back on his feet. So that he can get us on our feet. The Golden State Warriors can’t say that. They ran away. Thunder is gone forever, both the mascot and the Oklahoma team’s 2015 postseason hopes. Pierre is forever, though. Pierre is forever.

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Chris Trew is a comedian based in New Orleans. His weekly New Orleans sports podcast, Trew 2 the Game, has new episodes every Tuesday. See him perform regularly at The New Movement, the home for New Orleans comedy. Follow him on Twitter forever.

trew2game_new

 

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