My League Pass almost always shows the broadcast for the team opposite the Hornets, so I’m going to make note of some of my favorite bits from the announcers here. (Note: All my journals will be late as I’m almost always watching the game the following morning. I perform live comedy most nights in Austin, Tx – if you’re in the area, let me know)

Oh, man. Okay. I’ve got so much to say but the tiniest window in the history of the world to write it in. With such little time, I’m going to try and not waste any of it on explaning myself and how I have no time to write all I want to write. Ready, set, go.

The game started with the awkward Trailblazers theme song. None of the people in the band looked happy to be there. I’ve got to see them live. Not long after the band put away their funny looking instruments (guitars) the announcers went to town on our city, making comments about how there is so much crowd noise pumped into the Arena because nobody comes to games in New Orleans. Then later in the fourth quarter we hear how it’s so strange to be playing in a place that is “as dead as this joint.” I feel uncomfortable so I prank call my friend Vanessa in Portland, who doesn’t even know what a Trailblazer is. Victory.

Lots of talk about how afraid Mo Pete is of Brandon Roy with no talks to back it up. LOTS of talk about how amazing Greg Oden is. On plays where Oden had no effect on the ball the announcers would scream with glee, “CP didn’t wanna go in there because Oden was there!” or “West would normally take that to the rim but he thought about Oden and then took the jumper!” or “look at Chandler sitting on the bench right now rubbing his eye – he’s probably thinking about Greg Oden and shed a tear!” I know the guy is talented, but this was completely bonkers. My favorite was after he grabbed his 9th rebound when they said “And people thought he would only grab a couple a game, look at him go!”

After Juju was blocked, we were told that there was no way he was going to go back in the lane. Then on the next possesion he went back in the lane. The announcers let him have it, there was no way he was going back in there, he’s scared! Then Juju went back in the lane again, scored, and the announcers changed the subject. Thank you, Julian Wright.

That’s the wrap-up. Ugh. These guys were awful.

Portland < Everybody else.

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