Chances are you’ve read a fair share of DeMarcus Cousins news lately. The most terrifying front court in years, the Kentucky connection, the big man to big man pick and roll. While every single one of those things you’ve read are 100% valid (so was me breaking the news to Anthony Davis), let’s kick our shoes off and turn on the Boogie Bubblebath for a minute. Let’s chill, let’s relax, let’s chillax and stroll down some of the peripheral news and notes concerning everyone’s favorite new resident.

Boost Your Wardrobe

Cousins has a clothing line, Loyalty, and you can grab some of that gear in support of our new All-Star center. You can also jump over to locally made Dirty Coast who cranked out this Boogie and the Brow shirt in record time. No, seriously, owner Blake Haney texted me a draft sometime in the middle of the night after the trade and I responded, in my sleep, “this is a good shirt”.

The Benson Boogie

Okay, I’m both very happy that “The Benson Boogie” is already a thing and also thrilled that we have a new Boogie in New Orleans. DeMarcus by no means replaces years of gyrations and finger points the Saints owner has (beautifully) executed in his time, but perhaps it is also the time to usher in a new Boogie. I nominate DeMarcus Cousins as the new Boogie and demand that the New Orleans sports history timeline reflects this information.

What’s Up Mobile, Al?
Have you ever been to Mobile, AL? Y’all. It’s just 145 miles right over there. They have Mardi Gras. The downtown looks like New Orleans as much as a place can possibly look like New Orleans without being Disney World. They love the Saints, they are on the water, and DeMarcus Cousins is from Mobile, Al. Do not sleep on this. I’ve already got 50 emails into the Pelicans Billboard Advisory Council Department urging them to drop a couple of boards on Interstate 10. Let’s truly make this the Gulf Coast’s NBA team.

The Boogie Smoothie
With Buddy Hield’s exit to California, Smoothie King has lost its cardboard cutout Pelicans representative. The promotion was “Buddy Up” your Smoothie by adding enhancers such as probiotic and protein. The morning after the trade the Buddy cut-outs were cut out of the lobby (I know because I checked) and the promotion disappeared. Smoothie King, I’ve got you covered with new ideas, in order of worst to first.

• Another for your Cousins: with this promotion you just tell the cashier how many cousins you have and you get a free smoothie for them (must prove you are really giving this to your cousins by having a parent or guardian present no matter how old you are)
• DietMarcus: replace your line of “meal replacement” smoothies with “DietMarcus” smoothies. While it does not roll off the tongue, smoothies do, and that’s the point here
• Zero Smoothies: I don’t understand how the scientists over at Smoothie King would be able to pull this off but that’s their job. I’m just the idea guy. So, how about a line of DeMarcus Cousins “Zero” Smoothies that have 0 calories and like, all of the nutrients. Impossible? Yeah, I think probably so – but then again, how in the world are we talking about DeMarcus Cousins in a Pelicans jersey in the first place?

Hey, while we’re here! Watch my “Mean Tweets” segment with King Cake Baby, now featured on Pelicans.com.

Chris Trew is a comedian and Pelicans writer who sits behind the visitors bench at home games. Follow him on Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, and Medium (@christrew).