YouTube Play-by-Play: The Pelicans Enter the Building

Published: April 19, 2015

Imagine if you will, this above Pelican (video contains NSFW language, by the way) as a sort of mega-tron version of the New Orleans Pelicans NBA franchise. The face is Anthony Davis, determined and focused. The eyes are Jrue Holiday (right), Tyreke Evans (left). The rump is Omer Asik, the chest is Eric Gordon. Keeping the neck strong and sturdy is Norris Cole, Quincy Pondexter, Ryan Anderson. Somewhere in the top is Monty Williams and Dell Demps. You get my drift.

Follow me here, but this zoo sidewalk (I hope this is a zoo and not some park in a neighborhood) is the entrance way from the locker room, past the Capital One Club, onto the court. This Pelican is loose and is focused on one thing – playing a basketball game better than the other team on the court. In the case of the above video, the other team on the court are the humans running terrified from this beast of a bird.

At the :13 mark, the nice lady in the alright jumper pulls out her camera to take a picture of this mighty creature. She is Steve Kerr. No choice but to stand on the sidelines and witness the Pelican as it saunters strongly on the court.

At the :20 mark the lady (Steve Kerr and the entire Warriors coaching staff, really) gets a feeling. Her maternal instincts to protect her young from incoming danger kick in. This is Steve Kerr covering the eyes of his starting five. This is Alvin Gentry making the bench look away as to not make eye contact with what’s happening.

It happens at :22 seconds in. The Pelican opens wide, causing the lady to grab her child’s arm, possibly dislocating it, and scamper away. This is Steve Kerr pulling the starting five and sitting them for a lot longer than he expected to, but then again, he hasn’t been face to face with a Pelican like this, i.e. he has never had to game plan for a completely healthy New Orleans Pelicans basketball team.

:28 seconds and the man with the roll up jeans, the stroller, and the dinky dolphin balloon wants no part of what’s happening. This is the Warriors bench (David Lee is in the stroller). When :34 hits, a small child comes into frame and runs as far away from mega-tron as fast as he can. This is probably Draymond Green because, although you cannot tell in this video, the child running away is probably very self-confident and loud in class.

We are :40 in to this now and the second man with the maroon polo (Andrew Bogut) is on his way out. Maybe it’s foul trouble or maybe it’s because of a crushed spirit, a typical reaction to this kind of situation. His curiosity inspires him to turn around for a double take but his lack of toughness is what keeps his feet moving in the opposite direction. He ain’t about that life.

The game is over by this point but the bystanders are still in the path of the Pelican. There’s a lady with an umbrella that read the weather report all wrong but is reading this situation correctly – there is something happening and she must get out of the way. She (Klay Thompson) grabs her daughter’s (Steph Curry) hand and skid-addles. It is not raining in this zoo and therefore there is nothing to splash.

Our video fades out at 1:01 and we get a quick glimpse of a small crowd. This is a big deal, this basketball juggernaut disguised as an actual pelican. As the video ends and we all go on with our respective days, we think about the New Orleans Pelicans playing together like one big, actual, pelican. Stomping through wherever with a purposeful swag, intimidating all.

Chris Trew is a comedian, podcaster, and Pelicans season-ticket holder. Listen to his podcast Trew 2 the Game and go see shows at his New Orleans comedy venue.

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