As the NBA season winds down to a close and our season-standings-website-of-choice gets the refresh button pummeled repeatedly because we like how we look in the Top 8, we decided to open up the conversation to some friends of Bourbon Street Shots. Because it’s been way too long since we’ve been in the postseason and because we deserve it. Here’s some local super fans of the comedian and local business owner variety to answer some “burning” questions.

If the Pelicans Make the Playoffs I Will…

Derek Dupuy (sketch comedy writer from Stupid Time Machine): Have the kind of deep satisfaction that only a suburban father out to dinner at a Ryan’s Steakhouse could have. Finally! This team can evolve into something special down the line and a playoff appearance is a great step along the journey. I will also invest a cool $75 in new Pelicans merchandise. That’s right, folks.  Look forward to seeing this guy in a long sleeve with a new hat.  See ya later, Stacey Augmon Hornets jersey. Plastic Man!

Zack DiBenedetto (owner, Big Easy Crossfit):  I would start by fixing my favorite meal, Chef Boyardee Ravioli, in my favorite Anthony Davis unibrow edition soup bowl.  Then I would run to my front yard screaming the noise pelicans make (probably sounding more like a pterodactyl) and throw copious amounts of confetti onto my bushes.  Bushes shaped like AD and the Larry O’Brien Trophy, that is. As I stare at Davis and the Larry O’Brien covered in sweet success it dawns on me – what am I doing with this much confetti at my house?

Bob Murrell (comedian,DrunkToons): Feel like a high schooler again. I remember the first playoff series in NOLA during high school. Soon, I’ll start wearing JNCOs and my Nokia phone will only hold 50 contacts on it.

If the Pelicans Do Not Make the Playoffs I Will…

Derek Dupuy:  Scream that this never would have happened had we gotten the Timberwolves in 94′!  Then I’ll cool down and place the blame on Monty for early season bizarre substitutions and lineup changes.  Perhaps I’ll take Eric Gordon to task, ask what-ifs about Jrue Holiday, and wish AD had taken 20% more shots.  Then I’ll get back to my customized game of NBA Jam where I play with Anthony Davis and Dan Dickau.

Zack DiBenedetto:  I would cry like a 13 year old girl who fell in a mud puddle on the night of homecoming. In between crying spells there will be plenty of cursing the fates for letting Jrue and Anderson get hurt.  I’ll start a petition called, “Seven Feet Smeven Feet” to express how major of a disappointment Asik was.  To finish this rampage I will have no choice, but to dominate on NBA Live 14’ with the Pelicans. Asik on my bench, of course.

Bob Murrell: Tweet at Commish Silver everyday until the playoffs eliminate conferences. Either that, or move us to the Eastern Conference.

What would you give up to see the Pelicans make the Playoffs?

Derek Dupuy:  My first unborn child who, coincidentally, is to be named Eric Gordon.  Eric as a tribute to hockey legend Eric Lindros who inspires me daily and Gordon from Sesame Street who entertains me daily and teaches me things daily. Besides, the Pels in the playoffs gains them needed experience and helps them become a contender in the future and will give New Orleans so much joy for years to come. My first born child will give nothing back to New Orleans and will break me as a human man.

Zack DiBenedetto:  I would give up the right to stand up and pee like a man.  I would sit every time I had to pee.  Do you know how demoralizing that can be to a man? Geez, I feel the estrogen rising.  So basically, I’m saying I would give up my balls to science.

Bob Murrell: The hair on the sides of my head. Have you seen Jeff Withey’s haircut? I would sport that if it meant sweet, sweet postseason basketball.