Below is a sampling of [fanciful, wholly made-up, but still somehow completely accurate] tweets logged by various people on and around the team during this upcoming off-season.

@CP3’s_Tibia:  Where’d that comfy cushion on top of me go?  I’m naked!

@CP3’s_Femur:  Pleased to meet you, @CP3’s_Tibia.  I have a feeling we’ll be growing closer together over the years.  Should be an impactful relationship.  Hopefully we won’t get inflamed too often. 

@NBAPlayoffs:  We missed you guys!  Don’t stay away too long.

@NBALottery:  Hey, Hornets!  Long time, no see.  Good to have you back!   

@NawlinsFrontO:  A new summer, a new offseason!  It’s fun already being over the tax.  Challenge is the spice of life!   

@AaronGray:  Thanks for giving me a shot, guys.  It sucks being born in the wrong era.  I would have OWNED George Mikan.  Oh well.  GL next year. 

@Poseynator:  Appointment tomorrow for new tattoo.  Gonna get “Cap Killah” across my stomach, Tupac-stylez.  Keeping it REAL.

@TheRealPeja:  Hey @Poseynator, I got one of those last summer!  Remember having hard time deciding whether to put it on [oft-injured body part] or [other oft-injured body part].  

@TheRealCP3:  @NawlinsFrontO  Don’t set ur sights too high.  Fans (and me) tired of disappointment. </sarcasm>

@DavidWest30:  @NawlinsFrontO  Get us some DEFENSE!  Our loss total past 3 years directly proportional to our Defensive Rating.  We got the O; need some D. 

@D_Songaila:  Sorry about this, guys, but I have to exercise my player option.  No way I get $4.8M on the open market.  Sorry.

@HassanWhiteside:  Hey Hornets, you might not know me yet, but I’m who you want to draft this summer.  I offer defensive presence and front-court depth, and I can knock down a jumper.  FYI. 

@JamesAndersonOSU:  If Hassan is gone and/or you want bench offense instead, I might be available.  I won’t wow at the combine, but I’ve produced.  Think CDR.  Anyway, CU later.

@TheRealMoPete:  Hey y’all, I’m changing my account name.  Now @MoPete’sExpiringContract.  Have a good summer!   

@TheRealCP3:  Goal for next year: a PER higher than @DavidWest30’s jersey number (and age).  Pretty sure I can do it, barring injury. 

@MarcusT_No.5:  Hey @DCollison, I thought of a great Halloween costume for us for next year: Reasons for Hope.  CU in the gym.