3-on-3: New Orleans Comedy Edition

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Published: November 16, 2016

I scooped up three comedians who all perform at the New Orleans comedy venue The New Movement and grilled them with the same three questions. Questions that dig deep into the psyche of the squad. Questions that matter. Questions that nobody (literally nobody, probably) is asking. Questions to take our mind off of the slow start for the Pelicans. Enjoy!

November is National Adoption Month. If you could adopt any player on the Pelicans who would it be and why?

Chris Carrington: Dante Cunningham – I see myself in him.  We both have around 7 years of professional experience in our field, bounced around from location to location until we landed in a comfortable spot, and we both have a career PER of 11.4.

Derek Dupuy: It would be Omer Asik. Slam dunk! Why? Lots of built in dad jokes right off the bat.  At Thanksgiving, I would say, “Omer, pass the turkey.” And he’d say, “What?” Then I’d laugh and point out why that’s funny because Omer is from Turkey. Also, I could constantly call him a turkey and he’d roll his eyes like a good son does at his father. And I could sometimes yell, “Catch!” then he would drop his mother’s favorite crystal. Like every time he would just not catch it.  My boy can’t catch. Kids, eh?

Cyrus Cooper: I’d adopt Omer Asik, because I want to protect him like a parent would. He’s far from home, so he probably would want a strong foster family here, and I can give that to him. I can shield him from the haters.  What’s he supposed to do, not get overpaid? Just play better? See, I’m beginning already.  Also, he’s probably the NBA player that looks the most like a game show host, which sounds like it could bring an added twist to the family chores.

In honor of this Friday’s promotional giveaway, Pelicans Car Sunshades, what Pelican would be the best road trip partner?

Chris Carrington: Dante Cunningham – He has lived and played in a ton of places so he would be a badass tour guide. I imagine he always knows the dopest breakfast buffets.

Derek Dupuy: E’Twaun Moore for sure.  Assist!  Here’s the thing about my best friend E’Twaun.  He’s young and he’s hungry.  That means he is out to make this road trip count.  There might not be any more guaranteed road trips for him and he knows it.  Plus, he’s known for his great defense on road trips.  That means he is going to be focused on saving us money on gas and picking up on a two for one deal on chips at rest stops.  And he’s a combo player.  That means I can look forward to someone who is willing to drive but will also keep me great company when riding shotgun.  And he’s better than my last road trip partner. Sorry, Eric Gordon.

Cyrus Cooper: Definitely for me, Buddy Hield. The energy and enthusiasm he brings is contagious, necessary when you get those endless stretches of nowhere in front of you and your mood and energy begin to fade. Buddy would have the perfect thing to say, the perfect joke, the perfect conversation starter to bolster you through those moments. Plus he seems like he’d have a lot of cool stories for sure.

The Pelicans are off to a hellacious start. Give them some motivating words.

Chris Carrington: Hey guys keep feeding Dante in the corner no matter what happens.

Derek Dupuy:  Guys, I know that you are hurting.  Jamal Magloire dug up those bodies with Ray Wooldridge as a prank years ago and the franchise is still under the 15-year injury curse.  But don’t get down.  Get angry.  Bond together and show the league what you’re made of.  Remember Rudy from the movie Rudy?  Remember Rudy Huxtable?  Remember Ravishing Rick Rude?  All underdogs and all rude.  Get a chip on your shoulder, add five guys to the roster just in case, and go out there and dominate the competition.  They think they are better than you?  They are in for a rude awakening, bud.  Notre Dame!

Cyrus Cooper: Listen fellas, you’ve lost a lot. No offense, just clear fact.  But guess what? I don’t care if you win this year.  And maybe you shouldn’t either. Take a breath.  Pressure’s off.  No expectations. I think it is very likely you’ll lose almost every one of your remaining games in this lengthy season, so I guess some expectations, but that’s okay! This is how I want to motivate you: if anything on your body even stings for half a millisecond GO SIT DOWN. If one of you gets hurt we might not have any players left.  People might start believing there’s a curse on the Smoothie King Center, placed on the arena by the true King of the Smoothies to strike down all contenders and pretenders to the throne.  I might start believing that.  So please just pretty please don’t hurt yourself anymore.

See Cyrus, Chris, Derek, and myself perform weekly at The New Movement, 2706 St. Claude Ave.

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