Birthday Wishes for Anthony Davis

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Published: March 11, 2014
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To honor the big man’s birthday, I invited two friends from out of state to join me in answering the birthday questions on all of our minds. Submit your own answers to @Trew2theGame on Twitter.

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Now that the future of Crescent City Basketball is of legal drinking age, what cocktail do you think best describes AD’s game?

Adam Wilson (Louisiana native, New York City comedian):  Anthony Davis is a Hand Grenade–tall, thin, (presumably) full of sugar, and only 14 months younger than the current, most familiar Hand Grenade yard glass, which debuted in January 1992.  The only glaring difference is that, whereas Anthony has a unibrow, the anthropomorphic face at the base of the Grenade glass has, amazingly, zero eyebrows.

Ananth Pandian (contributor to Hardwood Paroxysm): Old Fashioned. AD’s game has been compared to Tim Duncan whose nickname is “The Big Fundamental”, due to Duncan’s fundamentally sound and non-flashy/”boring” game. Davis does offer more flash than Duncan but is as reliable just like an Old Fashioned.

Chris Trew (The Vice President of the New Orleans Sports scene): A New Orleans original, The Sazerac, gets right to the point. It’s strong, reliable, and will forever be based in the Crescent City. Also the lemon twist garnish is one strand of lemon and if i ever see you holding that lemon strand up to your forehead like a unibrow, I’m buying that drink for you.

Anthony Davis is coming to you for gambling advice. What do you tell him?

Adam Wilson:  Trust me and only me because I’m the only person on the face of the planet who isn’t a total idiot about this stuff.  Only bet on NFL Thursday Night Football, and always bet the same amount every week (except for week 1, during which you should never bet) on the road team against the spread.  You’ll end up winning ⅔ of the time since ESPN had drilled it into our heads that Thursday night is incredibly unfair to the road team, influencing the spread.  Also, be the opposite of Charles Barkley.

Ananth PandianI would direct him to get in touch with Vincent Chase who knows a lot more than I do about this subject:

Chris TrewBet the second half under for whatever the point total is for the Pelicans (that’s your team) and the over for the second half opposition. Do this until you lose your entire salary. Then, after a Summer of hard practice and focus, place a futures bet for the Pelicans to win the Western Conference in 2015.

You have an unlimited budget. What do you get Anthony Davis for his birthday?

Adam Wilson:  Naming rights to Rupp Arena in his behalf.  Anthony Davis Arena would no longer be named after the most racist basketball coach in Disney film history, and the new name would be additionally appropriate since Anthony currently possesses the highest NCAA-Basketball-Tournament-Most-Outstanding-Player-Awards-won-to-classes-actually-attended-in-college ratio in human history.

Ananth Pandian: Even though I have an unlimited budget, I would be sensible and get Anthony a gift that would keep on giving, the Jetlev R200:

The fully-integrated Jetlev R200 system includes:

  • Jetpack and Jetpack Stand

  • 33′ Hose Assembly

  • Boat Unit (contains engine, fuel tank, pump)

  • Certified Pilot (CP) Course: Pilot Certification Training

  • Choice of colors available at additional cost – Click here to see options

  • Training Helmets, Radio Headsets, and Remote Throttle Transmitter

 MSRP $68,500 USD

AD can take advantage of nearby Lake Pontchartrain with this gift and sure he flies on the court but wouldn’t he want to really fly?

 

Chris Trew: An entire section of season tickets behind the player’s benches in the lower bowl. I’d hire fans with strong legs who don’t understand why people sit down at basketball games. It would be the Bee-Zanies but completely independent so the team can’t tell us when to chant and when not to. This section would quickly become the most intense section in the league and it’s all for you, Anthony. Happy Birthday.

Every week Chris writers a column and records a Pelicans podcast for Bourbon Street Shots. He performs regularly at The New Movement, the home of Hell Yes Fest and New Orleans comedy

1 comments
Pelican Poster
Pelican Poster

I volunteer to sit in that section...please put us behind the home bench so we can heckle and they will watch our front...just to be clear we will be heckling the opposing team...