Trew 2 the Game #35: The Pelicans Medical Journal on Pierre’s Surgery

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Published: February 12, 2014
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Two emergency Trew 2 the Game columns in two weeks? Something is up, Pelicans Nation. Our team is in the headlines for all kinds of reasons and I’m in the New Orleans sports office, writing til my wrists bust on all the happenings. Last time it was the Smoothie King Center. This time, it’s a medical procedure. 

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On October 30th in the New Orleans Arena, the Pelicans took the court for the very first time. Crescent City Basketball fans watched a regular season game in the newly renovated Arena for the very first time. And for the very first time, the world learned the identity and look of our new mascot.

Pierre was the name chosen by the fans (or the team, if you don’t think those fan votes really count for anything) (but I’m not implying there’s a conspiracy) (but if there was we’d all understand, they should name their mascot what they want to name it) (I wanted it to be named Jackson or Parrish or Seymour or Pete). His face, however, was not chosen by the fans. Fans of all teams, rather, chose to not like his face. People who never watch basketball chose to hate that face. Human beings who don’t understand how the game of basketball is played decided early on that they were going to destroy that face in tweets, comments and open mics every chance they got.

And now, every joke has been told. Many times over. Some funny people have made some funny jokes, but really it’s the same “he’ll haunt you forever” and “don’t leave your kids alone with Pierre” on repeat. Has any mascot ever done so much in such a short amount of time? No. Even the Suns Gorilla is poking fun at our Pierre.

Everyone out there is now getting what they wanted. Pierre had reconstructive beak surgery yesterday and the word from the doctors is that it was successful (see team photo above). No matter what happens, his new face is going to be scrutinized to death. With this “surgery” the Pelicans have acknowledged the backlash and now must deliver on something improved. But according to what standards? The internet’s standards? Good luck with that. The city’s standards? We were kind of cool with it already in a “it’s busted but it’s ours” kind of way.

Good luck with the reveal, Pierre. Stay strong. Know that people are going to have a problem with you no matter what you look like. I will always be here for you. You never once gave me nightmares. You have only supplied me with dreams.

Chris Trew is a comedian based in New Orleans. He runs the annual Nola Comedy festival, Hell Yes Fest and performs weekly at The New Movement. He’ll be all over All-Star Weekend, sneaking into parties and challenging NBA Legends to pick-up games in his backyard.