Trew to the Game: More Specialized Season Ticket Plans

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Published: August 8, 2012

 The most irrational New Orleans sports fan, local comedian Chris Trew, has some ideas for new season tickets plans the Hornets should offer.

Much to the joy of Hornets fans who live outside of the city, have insane social lives or are paying back student loans, the team recently announced their partial season ticket plans. The lowest one starts at $580 and another one of dem Select-A-Seat events is this Saturday morning. The night before is the Arena Bowl which, considering how the Hornets are looking this year, might actually be the second most important event this weekend at 1501 Girod.

From Hornets.com

The Superstar Plan and the Contender Plan appear to be the same thing. Games against important teams scattered throughout all days of the week. I guess John Wall, LeMarcus Aldridge and Andrew Bogut are all considered Superstars. Looks like Hornets marketing department is still considering Dwight Howard a superstar which we should all be opposed to (unless of course he falls in love with the St. Louis Cathedral, Voodoo and Algiers Ferry rides). Also, last I checked, the Knicks don’t have a Superstar either.

The Friday Plan has games on Friday only which is a sentence I didn’t want to type but I’m in a thorough mood.

From Hornets.com

Houston is listed under the Contender Plan which is a stretch of the word Contender unless they mean “Contending for Anything” which could imply they are Contending to Not Be the Worst Teams in their Division. Cleveland, Atlanta and Minnesota are also considered Contenders which isn’t exactly true. But I understand the dilemma here and maybe they are just interested in using buzz words to sell more partial plans and I understand that. Hey, I’m not here to ridicule this team I love. As McNamara pointed out on a recent podcast, he wishes he was still a fanatic. Me, I’m still in my fanatic phase (which I predict will last until the year 2082) so I want to help. If it’s not too late, Hornet Ticket Management Squad, I’d like to submit my proposal for some additional partial season ticket packages.

The Grudge Holding Package
If you are still complaining about how these teams’ ruined your past Summer, you can grab this package and complain about the past all season long. You get to see the Spurs (2008 playoffs), Nuggets (2009 playoffs), Lakers (2011 playoffs), Thunder (2005-2007) and the Jazz (1979).

The Sour Grapes Package
Get to see all the teams who will probably be jealous of us winning the lottery for the next 20 years. In addition to seeing every Bobcats game in the Arena you also get 4 season tickets to all Bobcats games in Charlotte. Other games include Wizards, Kings, Nets and Cavs. Boston tickets included since they missed out on Tim Duncan and they still talk about that sometimes.

The Memory Remains Package
For the Hornets fan who isn’t interested in the new regime, who still wears Peja jerseys and mouths “Mr. West is in the building” whenever someone hits a jumper. This package will put you in the Arena for games against the Clippers, Pacers, Cavs and Knicks. In honor of Hilton Armstrong, you get a free beret. It also includes a vacation package to Austin, Texas to see Julian Wright play for the Toros. You have the option to add an ala carte’ trip down I-35 to see Devin Brown’s high school gym in San Antonio but you probably won’t do that.

The Mississippi River Street Fight Package
All games against our foes north on the mighty Mississipp’, the Memphis Grizzlies and Minnesota Tumblewolves. Does not include time travel to see the St. Louis Bombers but does include option for Atlanta Hawks (formerly of St. Louis) but does not include time travel to erase the memory of watching the Atlanta Hawks.

The No Limit Tank Cash Money Millionaires Package
You get to see all the teams that drove their season into the ditch last year for a chance at Anthony Davis (Warriors, Kings, Cavs, Pistons) as well as all of the teams with silly contracts (Pistons, Suns, 76ers). Free Silkk the Shocker t-shirts too.

The Teams With Names That Make the Most Sense Package
If you’re real big on Phoenix, Detroit, Orlando and Houston then boy do I have good news for you. Do not purchase this package, however, if you want to see the Wizards, Lakers, Jazz or Raptors.

Follow Chris Trew on Twitter and catch him this Thursday at Republic in New Orleans hosting the Air Sex Championships.

10 comments
Josh
Josh

When should we expect the changes to the site?

Mr. West
Mr. West

Laughed at the sour grapes part the most. Hope we get several of these articles seeing as we are entering the NBA dry period. Hope that Dealer Dell keeps things lively, but most likely we've got a boring wait for anything Hornets related comes.

Jason
Jason

Chris, get these guys to let you post more! Please and thanks.

Jordan
Jordan

I like a "The Memory Remains Package!"

Josh
Josh

Haha. Good read.

Nate
Nate

I had a chuckle. I was starting to thing we wouldn't get another post this week.

Jason
Jason

It wasn't meant as an insult or anything; it's good to see articles like this during the late July-September time period. Keep up the great work!

Jason Calmes
Jason Calmes

I know. I'm saying he is posting more. Chris is a busy man.