Tracking the T’Wolves: Just a Bad Dream

Published: January 19, 2012

Chris Trew asks that we disregard the last few wins by Minnesota, and instead, create our own reality for the dreaded Wolves

The Tumblewolves stand at 6-8 and currently out of the playoff picture in the West. Of course, there’s still lots of basketball to be played but let’s pretend there’s not. Let’s also pretend that Ricky Rubio isn’t going to win Rookie of the Year and that Kevin Love isn’t going to be really good for a really long time.  We’re like children on the playground who’s friends are all home sick or in detention. We’re forced to play pretend to have a good time and that’s fine by me. Come along for my Tumblewolves fantasy ride!

This Friday the Tumblers snowmobile all the way to Los Angeles to take on the Clippers. The home team will be up by 50 heading into the fourth quarter and Chris Paul will unneccesarily miraculously return to put the game completely out of reach for Minnesota. As he crosses over Ricky Rubio and drains a jumper he grabs the microphone and shouts “This is for my people in New Orleans!” Rubio sits out the rest of the season on the ML (mortified list).

Saturday the T-Wolves find themselves in Salt Lake City. Their snowmobiles got some serious structural damage while parked outside the Staples Center so locker room leader Kevin Love nominates himself to get them repaired at the local snowmobile shop. The Jazz dominate all night long and with two minutes left in the game, Jerry Sloan emerges from the upper deck and zip lines down to the scorers table.

“I’m happy to announce that I am the new owner of the Utah Jazz.” Crowd erupts. “I’m even happier to announce we’re rebranding as the Utah Sloan. This is for my people in New Orleans!” Crowd erupts again. Kevin Love successfully gets the snowmobiles back in travel-shape.

Back home at the Target Center, Minnesota welcomes in the Houston Rockets. On the way up north, however, the Rockets stop in Lake Charles to unwind, gamble a bit and hang out on top of that really steep bridge for a bit. Hornets guard Squeaky Johnson meets them there and explains how important it is for Hustle Town to get a W and drop an L on the Wolves because that’s a double score for his 2012 draft. Houston is like “ok, but you owe us one” and Squeaky is like “we’ll adopt the Astros this season” and Houston is all “you got a deal.” Houston is so inspired it pulls out a triple overtime win. “This is for my people in New Orleans” someone mumbles.

Exhausted from the overtimes, the Tumblewolves reluctantly head down to Dallas on Wednesday night. They are defeated fairly easily because of the ridiculous week they’ve had so far which everybody understands. Rubio remains on the ML.

Follow Chris Trew on Twitter here and Tumblewolves here


  1. cloud520

    January 19, 2012 at 8:48 am

    “Houston is like “ok, but you owe us one” and Squeaky is like “we’ll adopt the Astros this season” and Houston is all “you got a deal.” Houston is so inspired it pulls out a triple overtime win. “This is for my people in New Orleans” someone mumbles.”
    HAHAHAHAHAHA, awesome.

  2. Chris

    January 19, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Being from Lake Charles, I love this story, and that bridge is pretty scary by the way. LOL.

  3. J

    January 19, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    I have a trade idea with the Hornets,Pacers and Celtics

    The Celtics get Okafor and Ariza

    THe Pacers get Gordon,Paul Pierce and Anthony Bradley

    The Hornets get Granger,Hansbrough and George Hill

    • Pluto D

      January 19, 2012 at 8:24 pm

      skeet, Demps.

  4. kempleton

    January 19, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    Hey Joe, Unfortunately I cannot enjoy WIPTT anymore but I have to admit that the Tumblewolves fantasy ride was fun.

    Man, We should have beaten the Timberwolves. I still cannot believe that we want them to finish the season with a bad record and they had a win here in New Orleans. It just does not make sense to me.

    PS. While ziplining from the upper deck, Jerry Sloan should curse and kick Ostertag in the face who happens to be sitting courtside. 🙂

  5. Atticus Rowe

    January 19, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    One time, Chris Trew called me while I was framing a house and asked me to pick him up to give him a ride to Fiesta. When I arrived at the corner of 183 and Lamar to retrieve him, he rode off on a horse,nude and told me to meet him later at the aviary.

  6. Tom Proctor

    January 19, 2012 at 6:02 pm


  7. Taquito

    January 20, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    One time, i invited Chris Trew to my house, we were having a taco party and he brought two guests, this big two black fellas named Jahidi White and Robert Traylor(RIP big fellah), they were polite and introduced themselves to everyone…then they devoured all of the tacos, the sopaipillas and the enchiladas, while drinking all the tecates.
    Christ Trew, you jerk, stop ruining my taco fiestas.

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