Hornets fans must be so sick of talking about Chris Paul rumors. I know I am, so I’ve decided to start making stuff up to balance out the universe. It’s pretty unfair that all the major “rumors” have the Hornets superstar heading elsewhere. Pretty clearly the time of Hornets fans would be better spent thinking about potential trades that actually help the team.

Made up rumor number one: LeBron to New Orleans

Why- According to World Wide Wes (more influential than any god), CP3 is the key to landing LeBron. Guess who has CP3? Yup, it’s the Hornets! They also have a need at the small forward position. And it’s safe to say that the Hornets would be interested in LeBron. Call me crazy, but it’s just a hunch I have. My thoughts were verified by a twelve year old girl at a New Orleans basketball camp. She had a CP3 jersey on, and therefore must know people in high places.

How- First off Lebron has to tell the Cavs he’s gone and wants a sign and trade. Easy enough. That should take 5 minutes, tops. Then the Hornets give Darren Collison (sorry bud), Peja, 13 million cash to pay his salary, and the 11th pick for a newly signed LeBron.

Cavs get some young talent, New Orelans gets Lebron. Win-Win!

Seriously though (not really), Lebron wants to win titles. With Paul, Lebron, and the rest of the current roster,the Hornets would have skills to compete right away, and the salary cap flexibility to further improve the team before  the trade deadline. Even after dealing Peja’s contract, the team would still have around 20 million in expiring deals to play with. If winning is actually number one for Lebron (and it’s not all about money), then this should at least be on his radar.

Made up rumor number two: Dwight Howard to New Orleans

Why- Mostly because Chris Paul and Dwight Howard would be awesome together. Some might even say they were made for each other, or that it’s their destiny to redefine the pick and roll. That seems sufficient.

How- Okafor, Aaron Gray, the 11th pick, and two future first rounders for Dwight Howard.

Is that any more ridiculous than Vince Carter and Jameer Nelson for CP3 and Posey? As a wise man once said, “Win the game and be tall!” As you may know, Aaron Gray is taller than Dwight Howard.

Made up rumor number three: Brook Lopez to New Orleans

Why- Because I want Brook Lopez and that’s all it takes for a rumor to begin.

How- Aaron Gray (who is awesome) and the 11 pick for Lopez

Yup. That’s how that goes down. Only difference between the Nets supposed offer to the Hornets and this, is that the Nets insisted on actually picking the phone and making the strange offer. Maybe the Nets just call around the NBA making preposterous trade offers in hope that someone in a front office somewhere has recently lost their mind.

Are my trade rumors not cool enough because I don’t pretend that they are real? If it helps, I almost for a second thought that number one could happen after I wrote it down. But then I remembered that I live in the real world.

Is it because they don’t make sense? Frankly a lot of rumors don’t make sense. I’m sure that’s never stopped those who desire CP3 from claiming he was on the move to their favorite team before.

Anyway, I hope this goes to show you that any clown (that’s me!) can make up “rumors”. Even after Shinn’s recent statement regarding Chris Paul, it seems unlikely that people will stop this nonsense.

And, exhale…